Letting Go of Mom Guilt
Mama, Mom Guilt Can Eat You Alive! It's that nagging voice in the back of your mind telling you that you’re not doing enough, not being present enough, not being sufficient in general, not working enough, and not being there for everyone in your family or friendships. The truth is, you are enough! You are doing enough! You are exactly who you're supposed to be right at this moment. You don't have to be a perfect mom. If you're ready to release the guilt and embrace a more joyful, realistic version of motherhood, there are three simple but powerful steps to help with this mindset shift. You don't need the guilt in motherhood. It doesn't belong in your motherhood journey.
CHALLENGE YOUR GUILT
Before letting guilt consume you, pause and ask yourself if this guilt is based on the pressures of others or stems from a genuine concern. Is it coming from an unrealistic expectation? Am I holding myself to a standard that no one can meet? Would I expect this from another mother, or keep them to the standard I hold myself? Would I judge another woman for doing the same thing I usually feel guilty about? Guilt often stems from peer pressure that surrounds us in the media, from our families, and from our friends. Society imposes various pressures on your life, including social media, family, expectations, and outdated parenting ideas.
Recognizing this can help you release unnecessary guilt and focus on what truly matters. When my daughter was about 6 or 7 months old, I realized I was consumed with how everybody thought I should be a mom. I felt that I was not doing enough healthy eating for the family, or I was not getting enough breast milk for the baby. I thought that I wasn't doing enough or doing too little for everyone else. It was making me sadly depressed, and it was making those around me miserable. I realized this was happening and knew this wasn't how I wanted my motherhood journey to unfold. Your motherhood journey is unique to you and only you; you only have one motherhood journey. Whether it's with your first child or your last, you're still on one motherhood journey. Words that can describe your motherhood can be scary, daunting, enjoyable, and wonderful.
The mom guilt takes that and steals the joy from your motherhood. Don't let it! Redefine what a good mom means to you. Instead of trying to be the perfect mom, find your version of a great mom. What truly matters is what you do for your kids. They will remember a happy mom from whom they feel love. What does that mom look like to you? What do you want your kids to remember? Is it homemade meals every night, or a mama who laughed and played with them? What moms do you admire? And what do you like about them that you want in your motherhood journey with your children and family? Permit yourself to do what works for your family, even if it looks different from others. Let go of the guilt around things that don't align with your values. Being a good mom doesn't mean being a flawless mom. You can have flaws and still be a great mom (trust me, I'm flawed). Redefining your expectations and finding peace is a more flexible approach to achieving inner harmony. It allows you to create your version of happiness, motherhood, and yourself, separate from motherhood. With all the relationships outside of your motherhood and motherhood journey, such as with your spouse or children, being at peace with who you are and your choices will make for a more guilt-free motherhood journey.
Letting go of guilt can occur when you practice self-compassion and celebrate the successes you've achieved in your motherhood journey. Would you ever tell a fellow mom she's failing? Not that there's no way I can sit here and say you were doing something wrong when I don’t walk in your shoes. I don't know what’s happening at your house, so I wouldn't dare share my opinion. So, don't talk to yourself that way either; instead, practice self-compassion by giving yourself grace on tough days. You'll need to let go of mistakes instead of dwelling on them. Focus on what you’re doing well, and take note when your children smile and laugh with you. Are you doing well when everybody is happy and healthy? What are you doing well? Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Instead of only seeing where you fell short, take a moment to celebrate the small wins, whether getting through a tantrum with patience or simply making it through the day. Cuz, Mama, not every day is going to be the same.
MyMamaorite small wins are when little Miss has a tantrum, and I remain calm, guiding her with the right tools to get through it. I know that I am thriving when I do that, and she is thriving in her childhood as well. Mom guilt will always try to creep in, but you don't have to let it stay. By questioning the notion of guilt, redefining motherhood, and treating yourself with kindness, you can cultivate a version of motherhood that feels right for you. Your unique motherhood journey is enough. Mama, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Motherhood is hard; honestly, it is one of the most challenging jobs out there. You are responsible for a little human becoming a great big human. Being a Mama, you've got this, and you’re enough!
